It is Sunday, 7:45 in the morning. I was woken up by my 19 m. old at 6:30am. We quietly came downstairs trying not to wake up rest of the family. We cuddled on the couch while she nursed and I had my only chance of the day to watch few minutes of TV.
When she was done, I changed her and put on PBS, gave her some strawberries while I went to check my email. As I am going though my email, although Sasha is watching Elmo, every 2-3 minutes I get interrupted by “Mammmma” and when it becomes nonstop I do have to get up, go to her to reassure her that I am here, just around the corner.
I get an email notification of a new post from a blog I subscribe to http://in2deep.wordpress.com/. It is a great blog, but it also is a bit challenging for me. Most of these posts are very hard for me to wrap my mind around. I have to stop a lot, to think, to try and figure it out. I may not be ready to completely comprehend some of them, yet I read and stay open and realize that there is still much work to be done. Much to be learned. Some of these posts are beautifully resonate with where I am and what I am going through at present time. Much needed summaries, reminders and reinforcements.
So I read the latest post from In2Deep, and find myself wanting to read it few more times, as it is pretty deep indeed. But I can’t, at least not now, as I already have taken way too much time on computer. Baby is getting restless, she is not used to watching much TV. My husband and our oldest daughter are going to wakeup soon. She has a soccer game to go to, he has clients and will be working until 5pm. That means, I need to get started with my day, get ready, make breakfast, get them out of the door and go for a walk to a playground with Sasha and my friend who will join us.
When I come back from our walk, I put baby down for a nap and finally get my much anticipated hour to hour and a half break. My time for writing or reading and I only have enough time for one.
My short hour of solitude gets interrupted. My oldest comes home from the game and wants to tell me all about it…that is wonderful that we have such a great communication, but at this moment I mostly feel guilty for brushing her off – I must finish my post before baby wakes up.
When she does, we will eat, play, go outside. Do all the regular stuff, I make dinner, do the dishes, clean up and then my husband comes home. Dinner, baby takes her bath, goes to bed, her big sister gets ready for bed as well. Now it is time for K (my husband) and I. We only have an hour or so, as then we have to try to get to bed by 11pm. So we mostly talk, about our day, kids, spirituality etc.
By the time I go to bed, while he has energy to meditate, I just climb into bed and for a few minutes before I fall asleep I do meditate, sort of like a Shavasana, but one that does not lasts too long 😉
So just now I get interrupted by my oldest who is on the floor still in her soccer uniform, texting with her friends. She wants to know what are we going to eat…yet all I can think about, is please let me finish writing this. Guilt of a mother, even being so available to my kids by staying home, not having to work full time as I used to, and still, I feel like my family is my priority. But what about me?
Okay, must finish up!
And the point of this post was to see how regular people like myself especially moms and dads, working moms and dads, and those who have others depending on them, may find it very hard to be present, be in the now and most importantly to stay on and pursue their Spiritual path.
But can we look at our daily life as a spiritual practice? indeed we must!