In my last post I mentioned that I feel somewhat stuck without knowing where today takes me. As I go about my daily activities I like to know that I am working toward something. I am speaking of my own personal agenda here. I need to know what it is that I want, where I want to end-up. Without attaching myself to the goal, I still need to have one, and work toward reaching it. Do I want to get back into management, go back to teaching yoga, dedicate my free time to writing, go back to school? So many options, I am afraid to miss out on something.
I have a tendency of convincing myself, so this became a great spiritual lesson for me, to stay in the now, to stay open and present. Most importantly not to create any resistance or negative energy around this issue. A friend mentioned to me that since she started to meditate regularly everything just became clear. It used to be so for me, until my second child turned 16 months everything seemed so beautiful and clear. I was living in the now, totally present and committed to my family. Now she is 19 m. old, things starting to settle down into somewhat of a routine and I am finding myself wondering what’s next.
At least until few days ago that is how I felt. I did not feel or see the tension I was creating. Everything was perfect on the surface. Finally it took one intuitive wellness professional, my Holistic Nutritionist, Suzanne Landry to notice what was going on.
So what am I doing about it now? Well, I am allowing 😉
First, interestingly, as soon as Suzanne told me what she saw was going on, I denied it for a second, only to immediately feel this huge overwhelming weight and tension of realization that she was right. I felt it for about an hour after the appointment. I was focusing on my breathing, releasing (Sedona Method) and after about an hour that heaviness lifted. It was just like Eckhart Tolle and Hale Dwoskin teach, when you face your feelings, acknowledge them, welcome them without judging or resisting, you automatically let them go, you release them. So that was my first step.
Since then, I recommitted myself to daily meditation (it is not easy with a toddler). It also became clear that while I am still at home with the baby, the best thing I can do is to continue my reading and writing.
I decided that with summer around the corner, I have an opportunity to do what I wouldn’t be able to do if I had another commitment. Like spend more time with my family, allow my oldest to sign up for bunch of summer camps and actually be able to take her there, go on more weekend trips (we can not go away for long time due to my husband’s business), go to the beach and just enjoy summer, sun and being.
Later, when school starts I will see what develops over the summer and see where I am at.