My living in the Now and planning for the Future

For few weeks now I have being doing these releasing exerciser and somewhat neglected my meditation. Big mistake. I thought I was doing pretty good, releasing on my old feelings, blocks, resistance, desires.

Two days ago I had an appointment with my Holistic Nutritionist and she said that I carry a lot of tension, asked if have a lot of stress in my life. I was shocked. I absolutely believed that my life now is truly stress free and if I encounter anything upsetting, I immediately release on it, let it go and it is all better.

So how interesting and eye opening it was for me to find out, that while doing as much work as I do, there are things that completely slipped through the cracks.

What I came to realize, is that in the last 6-8 months I have being putting a lot of pressure on myself about my future. I like to think that I used to be a big planner and a big worrier, but no longer. I try to live in the Now, of course I have plans, but I do not dwell on them. I know what i want, I know what i need to do to get there and do my best everyday. But I do not push, do not force it, do not stress out about it. I try to let it go.

When it comes to my own next step – I was not sure where it led. I have always had a goal. A successful career. A great family. A wonderful daughter. Being a good mom. End of my professional career. Having a second child. All of these at some point were my goals. Now the baby is 19 months old and I found myself without a specific purpose. I love my family, cherish and appreciate the fact that after so many years of working 50-60 hour weeks, I finally can spend quality time with my daughters and my husband. I always thought that this would be enough, yet there is a void.

So what is next? I have to sort it out. I will meditate regularly, keep reading, keep writing, as it definitely helps and just stay open to ideas and opportunities.

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